A Monkey Mugging in Broad Daylight

It all started with a hunt for salt and vinegar chips. Railey Beach, where we spent five nights, is where the crime occurred. Railey is a remote, small community, accessed only by boat; accordingly, chip-purchasing prospects are bleak. Chips, notably salt and vinegar, are essential for evening happy hour and are a fan favourite in our house. The only places that held potential possibilities were the tiny mini-marts scattered about the area. Every day, while doing next-to-nothing, mostly finding shade and a cold beer, we would nip into a mini-mart and check the inventory. Every day we failed to procure those salty morsels full of flavour; instead, we were to endure such flavours as balsamic vinegar or just plain salt (we left the shrimp flavour ones on the shelf).

On the last full day, we found a small area of businesses on a tucked-away boardwalk. Eureka! The mini-mart at the far end of the boardwalk blessed us with Lorenz salt and vinegar chips! We clapped, cheered, high-fived and immediately purchased, turning down the offer of a plastic bag. All smug and cocky, we headed for our cabin to commence the ritual happy hour. Like Little Red Riding Hood we decided to take a shortcut. As we zigzagged through the maze of shaded concrete alleys, we abruptly stopped at the site of a rather large group of Macaque* monkeys. They mingled around, some high on ledges above and some posed on the pathway. I was carrying the sacred package in one hand and the phone/camera in the other. I wanted to take a quick snapshot of the sweet crew.

Suddenly, a brute of a monkey on the ground eyed our precious cargo and started to creep towards me with his long, gangly arm outstretched. I panicked. Peter panicked. I then remembered a guy from my Nepal trek who got bit and had to get a three-grand rabies shot. I no longer wanted the coveted chips in my sweaty paws. This descendant of mine was coming for them. The rest is a blur of yelling “You take them! No, you take them!!” (So much for chivalry) and playing hot potatoes with our precious cargo. I tried to stuff them in Peter’s backpack (he kept turning on me). During our domestic drama, the sneaky monkey had watched our turning and spinning and took the opportunity when the bag was not in play. He snatched it from the pack and bounded up the wall. Stunned, we stood watching the little s$#t gracefully slice open the bag with his nails and pluck the chips into his mouth.

In shock, and slightly embarrassed, we strode away, stewing over our loss and facing a chipless Happy Hour. We knew now why the lady had wanted us to take the bag.  No arrests were made.

Railey Pictures

*There are 3 types of primates living in this area:  Macques (the food stealers), Dusky Lungurs (so cute and NOT food stealers) and family of Gibbons, the smallest the smallest apes on the planet (they were hiding).*

**All monkey pictures are not considered offenders of above crime**